Sunday, December 16, 2007

Useless Gadgets Pt I

I've been bombarded over the last month,like everyone else, with the Christmas Adverts. Now not being a very hip or trendy kind of guy, I'm not always up there in the fashion stakes.
I own just one pair of Trainers - (No Brand Name) , which have a 'Clutch Pedal Hole' in the bottom and soles that are becoming detached and leave me with wet socks all day during these wet winter months. But they're comfy and then serve the purpose of allowing me to walk around without my feet being ripped to shreds.
So anyway back to the fashion adverts - I saw an advert the other day for a shaver, that you can adjust to leave yourself 'Designer Stubble' remaining on your chin and joules.
You can just imagine how they invented this epitome of uselessness. They're all sat in the Annual Sales Promotion meeting at Braun, surrounded by Chief Executives and the Sales Director has to announce their new super shaver to compete for the competitive Christmas market.
But just before he enters the boardroom, his assistant comes up to him and says
"Well Sir - Basically... We've spent $1 million on the design and the shaver looks great. We've spent another $1million on the materials and the shaver feels great. We've spent another $1 million on the promotion and the public thinks its great."
"Fantastic" says the Sales Director , "anything else ?"
"Well Sir, we have a small problem it doesn't remove your facial hair"
"What do you mean .... It doesn't remove your facial hair?" demands the Sales Director.
"Sorry sir", comes the reply. "But basically as a shaver its completely wank"
At this point the Sales Director starts pacing frantically, thinking of a way to explain the disaster and save his job.
"Never worry", he says. "I didn't get to Director of Sales without earning a masters degree in Bullshitting ....leave it with me".... and proceeds to march into the board room.
"Good Evening, Gentlemen", he begins. "Let me introduce you to our revolutionary new shaver..... we are promoting this with the sales phrase ...

"........... Less of a Bare Face, and more of a Bears Arse"

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