Sunday, September 06, 2009


Just come back from a party with friends in Lincolnshire, excellent night as always where we meet up with a few of the more 'Redneck' UK population, in one of the few Counties of England where the terms 'Your Wife' and 'Your Sister' can often mean the same person.

However the guest's at the party where all pretty normal, and the evening passed with plenty of drink, and a few 'drinking' games. One of the games devised by the host, and my best mate, was entitled 'Russian Omelette' which consisted of each guest choosing an egg from a tray then lying on the floor while the host broke it against their forehead - the idea being that one of the eggs was raw, and would give the potential 'victim' an egg shampoo - an the rest would be harmless and hard boiled, just cracking without mess.

Anyway the host volunteered to be the first 'guinea pig' and chose his egg, and then asked me to perform the honours of cracking it against his head. A little unfair as he was getting 'egg'sellent odds NOT to pick the raw egg being first to go.
However there was a slight flaw in his plan, in that he didn't demonstrate to me how to 'crack' the egg on the victims forehead. The only instruction I was given was not to hit with the end of the eggs but crack the larger sides against his head.
Anyway he chose his egg and laid flat on the floor in anticipation of me cracking the egg against his forehead - apparently I was supposed to just rest the egg against his forehead and push down gently to cause the egg to crack. But as I said no-one had told me that prior to giving me the egg - so he laid flat on his back, eyes closed to avoid any yolk etc running in, and I took the egg in hand and stationed myself above his forehead................

...... I then,using the full extension of my arm brought the egg down with full force upon his forehead ........

the egg was hard boiled and there was eggshell, and hardboiled white and yolk spread around in a 6ft radius. Everyone seemed to look aghast at me - then a split second later my best mate opened his eyes and with eggshell embedded in his forehead said 'Fuckin Hell, have I done something to upset you !!', and the rest of the room just fell about in tears of laughter.

Priceless ...........

He did however get revenge when somehow I managed to be the only recipient of the raw egg when it came to my turn.

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